Home News Ottawa vaccination rates by zodiac sign

Ottawa vaccination rates by zodiac sign

21
0


We’ve crunched the data, we’ve looked to the stars and we’ve come up with a ‘scientific’ ranking of Ottawa’s most-to-least vaccinated star signs.

Article content

As regular subscribers of Ottawa Public Health’s and other organizations’ COVID-19 dashboards and studies already know, the numbers involved in this pandemic have been crunched seven ways to Sunday. We can look at cases by age, by gender, by date, by neighbourhood, by vaccination status, by institution, by hospitalization and by so many other angles until we’re blue in the face. It can be daunting, dark and dispiriting.

Advertisement

Article content

But not always.

When the health department in Salt Lake City, Utah, recently published its vaccination rates by astrological star signs , the intended levity was not lost on readers, with the agency simply finding a lighthearted manner in which to keep the vaccination conversation going.

Of course, we know analyzing vaccination rates by zodiac sign is fun and goofiness, but still, we decided to take a page out of the Salt Lake book. After all, Salt Lake City, founded on July 24, 1847, and thus a Cancer, is creative and, according to horoscope dot com (the source of all our extensive zodiac trait analysis), “can make anything—even jury duty or a trip to the DMV — a fascinating story.”

And Ottawa (Jan. 1, 1855, and thus a Capricorn) may not be so creative, but we’re smart and hardworking, and claim as our motto, “I can succeed at anything I put my mind to.”

Advertisement

Article content

And so we put our mind to this very question: Which zodiac signs in Ottawa are the best and worst at getting vaccinated?

And before you get your knickers in a knot and pull out your old Vitriola typewriter to dash off an angry note insisting that there’s nothing scientific about astrology, we already know that. And if you’re conversely inclined to defend astrology’s research-based merits, also please don’t. Our methods may not pass the academic rigour required for publication in peer-reviewed medical journals, but at the end of the day, maybe you can suggest that others in your astrological house go get vaxxed, because it looks like those Virgos next door are on the cusp of ascendency or whatever, and we know how annoying they get when THAT happens.

Advertisement

Article content

On the face of it, mapping out star sign vaccination rates appeared simple. Ottawa Public Health kindly provided the data showing how many residents 12 and older from each star sign had, as of Nov. 24, been vaccinated. Geminis, it turned out, had turned out — 72,325 of them, more than any other star sign — to receive at least two doses of COVID vaccine, representing 8.9 per cent of fully vaxxed Ottawans.

Advertisement

Article content

The Gemini motto? “I manifest my reality.”

Meanwhile, Sagittarians (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) were the least fully vaxxed, with only 61,112, or 7.5 per cent taking the double-plunge. But this, too, we might have seen coming. You know them: “All about going off the beaten path,” someone who “goes after what he or she wants, regardless of what other people think.”

Those Sags put their own needs above others’, never second-guess themselves, and don’t need approval or advice of others. Their motto? “Towering genius disdains a beaten path.”

But wait, I hear you say (or at least the epidemiologists, mathematicians, social scientists, data nerds and baseball sabermetricians among you), isn’t it possible that there are fewer total Saggittarians than other star signs? That perhaps 61k fully vaccinated Sagittarians account for ALL the Sagittarians in Ottawa, while the 72k smug Geminis (they can be quite two-faced, you know) are only SOME of the astrological twins out there, the others still too occupied conducting their “own research” to visit a pharmacy and roll up their sleeves?

Advertisement

Article content

Absolutely.

When the Salt Lake County Health Department released its figures, it was able to weight them by factoring in a study by the University of Texas-Austin that estimated the population of the U.S. based on astrological signs. Perhaps we could just use the same star sign percentages to estimate Ottawa’s horoscopic composition?

But no, said Robin Armstrong, of the Robin Armstrong School of Astrology (RASA) in Etobicoke (I kid you not). The figures, he insisted, would differ chiefly due to climate. Birth rates would likely simply vary too much when comparing ice-cold Ottawa with, say, winter-free New Orleans.

Armstrong was unaware of Canadian births being documented by zodiac sign, as was Joan Ann Evelyn, of the Canadian Association for Astrological Education. “That’s a whole lot of information that to my knowledge has not been accumulated in Canada,” she said. “You would have to have access to birth certificates to be able to do it.”

Advertisement

Article content

Statistics Canada, meanwhile, quite succinctly (and laudably, if we’re being honest) responded to a query by saying that the organization “does not collect any information about astrological signs.” This is exactly the sort of matter-of-fact response we’ve come to expect from the hard-working and dependable Taurus agency (circa May 1, 1971).

But StatsCan, bless their bulldozing persistence (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is a Taurus — just sayin’), does keep meticulous stats about the month in which every Canadian is born, and by taking that data for the last 30 years and divvying up each month’s total according to the portion occupied by the various star signs — almost three-quarters of September babies are Virgos, for example, while the remaining one-quarter+ are Libras — we can come up with a snapshot of the nation’s astrological makeup.

Advertisement

Article content

To wit:

To take this a step further — and of course we did, seeing as the Ottawa Citizen (née the Bytown Packet, March 29, 1845) boasts the qualities of being trailblazing, competitive, and independent— we endeavoured to calculate Ottawa’s astrological makeup, too.

By multiplying the Canadian zodiac percentages by Ottawa’s 12+ population (922,751, the denominator used by OPH), we can estimate the astrological breakdown of O-Town. Admittedly, the results may be skewed by the fact that not all Ottawans were born in Canada — the City of Ottawa website indicates that nearly a quarter of residents took their first breath outside the country. With that in mind (as well as Mark Twain’s advice to be wary of “lies, damned lies, and statistics”), these are the star signs that at least appear to shine brightest in Ottawa’s vaccination firmament.

Advertisement

Article content

And fair warning to the Capricorns out there: you might need to do some vocal warmups for all the bragging you’re about to do. According to our analysis, 98.6 per cent of all Capricorns in Ottawa 12 and older have been double vaccinated.

Things are suddenly so much clearer, right? Sagittarians (a small group of intelligent, truth-telling, born leaders), despite having the lowest vaccination numbers, have the second-highest rate of full vaccination, at 89.7 per cent, leaping from last place to second like they’d just watched Chariots of Fire.

Advertisement

Article content

Those self-satisfied Geminis, meanwhile — “social chameleons” — fell from first to eighth when the size of their group was factored in. But this, too, should come as no surprise: they are, according to the scientists at horoscope dot com, “adept at blending into different groups based on the vibe and energy they perceive.”

(This might be as good a time as any to mention the disclaimer Ottawa Public Health included when providing the vaccination data by star sign: “Please note that by providing the data, Ottawa Public Health does not support any conclusions that may be drawn from the data.” Not a surprising response, really, as OPH, also a Taurus (April 28, 2011 for these purposes), often has “trouble respecting authority, especially if asked to do something they think is pointless…

Advertisement

Article content

Here, then, is a look at Ottawa’s full-vaccination rates by individual star sign. “Are you sure it’s scientific?” my editor asked, twice. “Forget it,” I replied, “it’s astrology.”


Ottawa’s double-vaccination rates by individual star sign

1. Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)- 98.6 per cent

(68,741 residents 12+, 67,770 double vaxxed)

“Natural rule-followers, Capricorns thrive on order and love strict rules, hierarchies, and set ways to do things.” They are analytical, responsible and practical, and “will dig in and get it done, no matter how exhausting or tedious the task.” What do Anthony Fauci, Greta Thunberg, Michelle Obama and Martin Luther King Jr. all have in common? Yep — care-bear Capricorns, every one. How could Capricorns NOT have the highest vaccination rate?

Advertisement

Article content

2. Sagittarius (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21)- 89.7 per cent

(68,147 residents 12+, 61,112 double vaxxed)

As mentioned above, truth-telling and intelligent leaders. Disregard that “towering genius” malarkey; Instead, remember this: “Sagittarius is adept at putting themselves in another person’s shoes.” So they’re not going to want to make grandma sick, or worse.

3. Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)- 89.3 per cent

(76,086 residents 12+, 67,969 double vaxxed)

Coming up just a few jabs behind Sagittarians, the well-balanced and responsible Librans are “always willing to put others before themselves” and “take a big-picture approach.” Or, as Libra rock star and moral compass Avril Lavigne put it, “It’s good for everyone to try to keep each other safe.”

Advertisement

Article content

4. Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 22)- 87.9 per cent

(75,199 residents 12+, 66,070 double vaxxed)

Despite the last-place showing of Scorpios in Salt Lake County, Utah, their Ottawa counterparts fared far better, with a fourth-place showing of 87.9 per cent, pretty much exactly the city’s average. Perhaps this apparent dichotomy, as well as the fact that Scorpios are straddling Ottawa’s vaccination line, can be explained by this horoscope dot com description: “Their feelings are what drives them and strengthens them, but their mutability can scare them and make them feel vulnerable and out of control.” Mutability SHOULD scare them!

5. Taurus (April 20 – May 20)- 87.7 per cent

(80,644 residents 12+, 70,719 double vaxxed)

Advertisement

Article content

Another middling star sign when it comes to vax rates, perhaps their relative torpor comes from their collective bullheadedness. “This searching sign is willing to see another point of view, but they won’t flip-flop on an opinion just to make someone else happy,” says horoscope dot com. “They will shift their thinking only if they truly have a change of heart.” Additionally, the site notes, they are hardworking AND lazy, while their motto is “Nothing worth having comes easy.” Sigh.

6. Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)- 87.7 per cent

(75,838 residents 12+, 66,477 double vaxxed)

Seriously, if just 28 more Pisces had been fully vaccinated, they would have leapt up a spot, overtaking Taurus. Sadly, Pisces are not particular prideful — certainly not like Taureans. They also possess a “live and let live” approach, which may hinder their drive to get vaccinated. But they’re also deeply intuitive, so perhaps it’s just a matter of time.

Advertisement

Article content

7. Aries (March 21 – April 19)- 87.1 per cent

(76,842 residents 12+, 66,911 double vaxxed)

“Aries will never do something just because everyone else is doing it,” but at the same time they are perhaps the most competitive of the star signs. “The best way to motivate an Aries is to turn something into a contest. Aries will put everything they have (and then some) into winning.” So take a look at yourself, Aries — you’re in seventh place. Looks like no medal for you, unless you count that participation badge that everyone gets.

8. Gemini (May 21 – June 21)- 86.4 per cent

(83,739 residents 12+, 72,325 double vaxxed)

Geminis’ glass-half-full optimism tells them they account for more fully vaccinated residents than any other star sign. But they’re also the most populous in Ottawa, giving the twins a vax rate of 86.4 per cent, eighth among the dozen astrological signs. This, perhaps, is part of the “two different sides they can display to the world,” according to horoscope dot com. “Blessed with off-the-charts energy,” it adds, “Gemini will always keep the party going.” Perhaps they simply need to be reminded of other ways to keep parties going.

Advertisement

Article content

9. Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb 18)- 86.4 per cent

(73,123 residents 12+, 63,145 double vaxxed)

Similar to Pisces, Aquarians only need a few more — a mere dozen, in fact — fully vaccinated among their ranks to move up a spot. And while they possess a strong sense of social justice and concern for others, they’re also independent and enigmatic, barely seeing themselves as a group. “They know jumping into something too quickly can cause more harm than good” leaving one to wonder what “too quickly” means, and whether that attitude is at odds with their motto, “There is no me, there is only we.”

10. Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)- 85.9 per cent

(82,010 residents 12+, 70,482 double vaxxed)

Virgos, according to horoscope.com, consider an afternoon in bed with a book ideal, so perhaps that side of them has been a little too prevalent when it comes to their 10th-place vaccination rate. “A Virgo prefers an evening with good friends to a huge party, and values downtime just as much as socializing,” the site continues. “This sign doesn’t need to fill their calendar to be content.” Even their motto — “My best can always be better” — makes for some discouraging reading.

Advertisement

Article content

11. Cancer (June 23 – July 22)- 85.7 per cent

(81,639 residents 12+, 69,945 double vaxxed)

Horoscope dot com praises the “fact” (my emphasis) that “Crabs don’t need all the facts and figures to know the right course of action,” and maybe it’s just my being a Libra that makes me see another, potentially harmful, side to that attribute. (But who’s to say what’s in the head of an animal that always walks sideways?) They also don’t like social gatherings, another possible (non) motivator. Then again, they make extremely loyal companions who “won’t let judgment get in the way of an amazing friendship,” so why should we? Oh, right — COVID.

12. Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)- 84.9 per cent

(80,742 residents 12+, 68,554 double vaxxed)

Advertisement

Article content

The number of Ottawa Leos who are not fully vaccinated — 12,188 — is greater than the entire population of Sandy Hill. Is this their way to get into the spotlight they so obviously crave? Or can we hope to tap into the side of them that, according to horoscope.com, is occasionally swayed by what other people want, or expect, them to do? “Learning to quiet down and listen is essential for Leo signs to reach their peak power,” the site notes.

Salt Lake City’s “study” had a proviso and recommendation attached, which we shall amend and include here: The COVID-19 vaccine is backed by science and is in no way influenced by horoscopes. But come on, Leos!

bdeachman@postmedia.com

Advertisement

Comments

Postmedia is committed to maintaining a lively but civil forum for discussion and encourage all readers to share their views on our articles. Comments may take up to an hour for moderation before appearing on the site. We ask you to keep your comments relevant and respectful. We have enabled email notifications—you will now receive an email if you receive a reply to your comment, there is an update to a comment thread you follow or if a user you follow comments. Visit our Community Guidelines for more information and details on how to adjust your email settings.





Source link

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here